First, this new Wuthering Heights cover makes my heart hurt:

I can’t even. Just. Really?

Dangnabbit. I lost my entire train of thought and this just became a list.

Things that make me happy, July 2K10 edition:

• almond tea
• all the awesome dogs that live in my town
• finding Kobo Abe’s The Box Man at the used bookstore
• Kate Bush videos on youtube
• the sweet brush in Sally Hansen’s Insta-dry polish (& blazing blue)
• Sebastian Bach as as Gil in Lane’s band on Gilmore Girls

There’s a lot more. I’m in a really good mood lately. I think I am in love with this summer. Is that allowed or is it like when lions lay down with lambs? Fickle, fickle kid, no?

Here, have some tunes –perhaps to fold clothes to. A mostly new wave mix:

At some point this year you have a post-head-trauma epiphany and decide to open a 70s theme donut shop in Pittsburgh’s Strip District and call it Peace Love & Tiny Donuts with the slogan “Feed Your Inner Hippie.” See, your plan is to profit off the “dilusional [sic], uneducated and morally bankrupt” liberals who think they’re supporting a cool, fun, small business run by nice folks. And you know what? That’s a plan. Perhaps not the most ethical, but it would totally work.

Except you blogged about it on your public blog.

Then when people called you out on your weirdo marketing lies, you posted the following:

Thursday, October 1, 2009
It has come to my attention…

A young woman came into my shop today and shared with me that some people have read my blog and now are busy doing what they can to damage me and my family by telling others that I am a horrible person. Apparently, my viewpoint and opinions have been interpreted as not endorsing their lifestyle choices or their political views. Although I don’t look to offend anyone, I find it ironic that many people who stand under the banner of “acceptance”, are in their own nature, unwilling to accept anyone who disagrees with them. Does anyone else find that ironic?

I make the best donuts I know how, and people have gone to Urbanspoon and given our product a negative rating because they are unhappy with my opinion. One person said that I should keep my opinion to myself so that nobody would know what I thought! Yet these same people who cry out for legitimacy, attack anyone who doesn’t agree with their positions and choices. That to me is the epitome of hypocrisy. I’m not ashamed of who I am, although I admit I am a work in progress. I will not couch my faith or my person-hood for any reason, especially not to sell a donut.

I have been kind and respectful to everyone that has come into my shop. Not just to sell them something, but I try to be the best version of myself that I can be. I take being generous seriously, along with all of God’s commandments. I try to love people and hate sin. Most of what I write about is the struggle to do that without a ton of human debris in my wake. Everyone wants love and peace. The problem is with SIN. I didn’t invent sin (although my wife might joke that I am trying to perfect it), nor did I define sin. I just happen to believe like most people, that there is a better life to be lived if we avoid sin. That requires a knowledge of what IS sin, and my source for that is the Bible. If that makes me the scorn of people and hated… then I say what Martin Luther said… I can not recant the truth. I would welcome the chance to defend my ideas or my faith but only two people have asked me to explain my writings. Others are taking some paragraphs and sending them to others in an attempt to amplify one of my musings. I have a saying for people who try to demonize others by focusing on one attribute or expression… “you have to walk over mile of balance and reason to have that opinion”.
Posted by Ron Razete at 6:37 AM 0 comments

And then delete the whole thing. (Formerly located at ronrazete.blogspot.com, but in the spirit of Martin Luther I will keep it un-recanted here.)

Well, you’re a cowardly liar, and you really can’t be shocked when folks catch on to you. What is your next move? My hypothesis: blame the meanie liberals for not buying your bullshit instead of your poor judgment, lack of business savvy, and bizarre need to politicize donuts.

* * *

You know what, Ron? My unwillingness to tolerate your intolerance doesn’t make me intolerant.

I accept that there are people like you in the world, and your right to be as horrible as you can within the bounds of our laws. But just like you can have issues with the sexiness-levels of movies, and feel the Christian college you pulled your daughter out of was not Christian enough because they let GLBT students enroll –I, and others, have the ability to not support your dishonest endeavors.

Why market to “hippie leftists” and not let your business reflect your true self? Especially since you insist you will not couch your faith or your person-hood for any reason.  I don’t think you should keep your opinions to yourself, or lie about them to make a buck. Let’s see if your intolerance is profitable.

This is part of an ad campaign for a marriage education program (that received a grant from the federal Healthy Families Initiative) found all over local billboards and in PAT buses. Does it instill confidence in their interpersonal relationship guidance skills?

More at Pittsburgh’s City Paper.

My father would’ve been the one to take me, had I gone. If we’d been faced with the choice of Physical Play and Girls Play, I would’ve set right off for Physical Play (looks like the Legos I had at home) and he would’ve grabbed me by that annoying handle part of the Osh Kosh B’gosh overalls and set me down in the Girls Play area. He would’ve said something like, “Your mother wouldn’t want you rough housing with a bunch of boys.” After all, that’s the connotation of “physical play”, no?  (Later that night I would’ve declared that day The Worst Day of My Life, to my army of stuffed animals, many of them pink.)

By setting up Girls Play as the contrast to Physical Play, they’re suggesting that girls need a safe, subdued alternative to stimulating boldly colored exciting adventure that requires construction hats. They’re also saying that all boys are rough-and-tumble and into the same thing. They don’t have to say “Boys Play”. It’s a given to many misguided parents. That’s why Santa brought me the pink bike with the streamers and the basket and crap tires, and my brother who didn’t even want a bike got the cool metallic blue off-road one that could take a beating. It’s why my best girlfriend couldn’t go fishing with us until they discovered the pink tackle box with the glittery neon pink rubber tadpole bait. It’s why my coworker’s husband wouldn’t let their toddler son wear a pale yellow sweatshirt someone had given him.

Boys and girls go to school together, and have recess together, and play kickball in gym. They read the same books in class,  do group projects together, play in the same orchestras, sing in the same chorus groups, build sets together for plays that boys and girls will perform together. And someday they will work together in Grownupland, so why in the world shouldn’t they play together in Legoland?

“They don’t think about how the popsicles got in the freezer,”

da-doo doo doo doo doo

“or where sidewalk chalk comes from.”

da-dum da da da da dum

“They don’t wonder how the hotdogs got on the grill.”

Da-doo doo doo doo doo da-doo doo doo doo doo

“To them, the magic of summer just happens.”

Da-dum da da da da dum

The mannequin on the left is clearly a zombie:

RUN AWAY!

That is all of the information I have about this object, which is terribly real and not Photoshopped. I know that’s my thing and all, but this is no joke. I need to know why this exisits. At some point, someone thought that there was a market for papal purses made of shimmery synthetic materials and sized for night clubbing — you know, before it would find its way to the secondhand store where it would eventually be ressurected in the name of ironic hipster style. Who designed it? Who produced it? Who bought it to begin with and how did it find itself at the Red White & Blue? I want character sketches of all parties involved. I need some explanations!

Somewhat related — I’ve been thinking about those commercials for Mirena (the intrauterine contraceptive) where they repeatedly mention that it’s for “women who have decided their families are just the right size” as if it isn’t an option for single women who have no children. If you didn’t have friends who work in health care and family planning clinics, you might get the idea from these commercials stressing “married women who already have at least one child” that this is some serious bullshit. If you’ve had bad experiences with doctors in the past telling you that your interest in sterilization is selfish and “what would your parents think? You would deny them grandchildren?” (Yes, yes, I had this happen. While half naked on the exam table no less. AWESOME TIMES!) or the ever-popular “You’ll change your mind!” — you might just change the channel and never give it another thought. This is terrible marketing.

The website isn’t nearly as hardline-sounding:

Mirena® is an estrogen-free intrauterine contraceptive for women who are looking for a contraceptive option to help simplify their lives. It’s for women who have decided their families are just the right size, it’s for expectant mothers to consider after they have had their baby, and it’s for women who aren’t satisfied with their current form of contraceptive. And, it can be removed at any time for a quick return to fertility. Like to keep life simple? Then Mirena® may be right for you. [emphasis mine]

…but how many people are going to even bother going to it after seeing these shitty commercials?

And of course, an IUD truly might not be the best option for you, depending on your situation, but why discourage people from asking about it? My Women’s Health Oracle/Fountain of Educated Lady-Things Advice produced valuable information regarding IUDs making it easier for chlamydia or gonorrhea infections to spread to the uterus, increasing your risk for pelvic inflammatory disease and sterility. If they just said this in the Mirena commercial, instead of going the “this is not for single ladies and by single ladies we mean slutty slutty harlots” route, maybe I wouldn’t want to hurl things at my television whenever I see this ad.

Maybe I am just hyper-sensitive to “subtle” digs against women who want to control their own bodies, but commercials like these just rub me the wrong way.

Last night I dreamed that the vetrinarian asked Angilas if he was positive that his family was the right size.

That’s right. Butterflies, perfume, unicorns, and princess gardens.