Behold! A trend is born!

I'm going to make TENS of DOLLARS!

This exciting new pattern has been scientifically formulated with an exotic blend of trendy prints to sell like cakes hotter than “That’s hot” ever was. (And then it’ll wane for like a minute, and then it’ll be retro.)

So I went to the mall last night to find pants and a button down shirt for my EXCITING AND THRILLING job interview on MONDAY. You would not believe how difficult it was to find solid gray dress pants and a solid colored shirt without embellishment — or maybe you would if you’ve gone shopping in the last several years — but my point is that everything is so ridiculously over the top ugly these days and I hate everything. Except! I do not hate that I have a job interview.

I am not entirely thrilled with the results of my expedition and I am concerned I have become the wizened office goth lady who only owns things in black and gray and the darker shades in the red and purple spectrum. Do I remedy this by branching out into brown or navy? Or do I just stab myself in the eye and bleed to death on the carpet of Lane Bryant?

Tonight I am going to get a long overdue haircut for this interview and afterward I will drink a beer while watching a friend’s band. Will I do so with long or not-long hair? Will there be bangs-bangs or fancy side-swept bangs? I cannot say! I will not know until I consult with the expert who has not ever steered me wrong so why am I so weirdly anxious about this? I have nothing to say with regards to that either!

I can say this, though: Job interview! I wasn’t going to get too excited but I can’t help it. I’ve gotten lots of calls about jobs in places I don’t really want to live and this is the first one for a place where I want to relocate. And it’s for something I would feel really good about doing; actually helping people. So wish me luck in the event my textile design genius doesn’t take off. But how could it not? I used science! Like — observation and percentages and stuff. C’mon.

my cartoon friends

When I was little I got into trouble at daycare for lying because I told a fellow classmate that Snoopy had stopped by my apartment to bring me a balloon. The teacher told my mom when she picked me up and mom said, “But Snoopy did bring her a balloon. Elizabeth isn’t making up stories.”

On the way home she had The Talk with me and that is how I learned that all of my cartoon friends who’d visited me were really Aunt Pat in costume on her way to various singing telegram/flower/balloon delivery jobs.

sans comic sans

You know that poster from elementary school with the rabbit sitting in a mountain-sized pile of carrots with Comic Sans letters proclaiming that Too Much of a Good Thing Is … Wonderful! ?

Yeah? Maybe? No? Well, use your imagination and we’ll get through this together and then I will go off somewhere alone and feel old.

That rabbit is me, but instead of carrots it is a stack of books and instead of wonderful it is a tortured nightmare of inner-conflict.

I needed a book about all of the lore surrounding the lives of the Bronte sisters, so I ordered The Bronte Myth by Lucasta Miller and while I was on the site I pre-ordered Margaret Atwood’s The Year of the Flood. I also snagged something from my wishlist that was available on their used Marketplace for an irresistibly low-low price — Futures from Nature, edited by Henry Gee.  Then, while I was waiting for them to ship I made the mistake of stopping in a BN and couldn’t help but pick up Nick Cave’s The Death of Bunny Munro.

Of course the Miller book arrived first, and I dove in, and a couple days later, Futures, arrived and after thumbing through it I started that and am almost through it. I really should lock it up and get back to the Bronte research. The Atwood pre-order was released and shipped; I haven’t even let myself open that box.

And, OK, it is wonderful but really, Elizabeth, no more books until after you move.

In obvious non-news: I am going to need a new bookcase for my next place. Do you think they’ll just let me pitch a tent in the library?

Tangentially related: Check out this piece from The Atlantic by Alyssa Rosenberg about the new crop of movies based on children’s books, Scaring Our Kids.  There’s also a lot of good stuff going on in the Newsweek interview Rosenberg links to, with Sendak, Jonez, and Eggers, like this:

What makes a good kids’ story?
Sendak: How would I know? I just write the books. But I do know that my parents were immigrants and they didn’t know that they should clean the stories up for us. So we heard horrible, horrible stories, and we loved them, we absolutely loved them. But the three of us—my sister, my brother, and myself—grew up very depressed people.

Deceitful Donuts

Imagine if you will that you are a homophobic racist of the sort who feels hate is fine as long as you can insist your religion sanctions it. The past election got you all freaked out that Democrats (gay! Black!) were going to spread some homo agenda all over your clan of teenagers or some such nonsense that you’ve been rambling about with a publicly accessible Blogger account.

At some point this year you have a post-head-trauma epiphany and decide to open a 70s theme donut shop in Pittsburgh’s Strip District and call it Peace Love & Tiny Donuts with the slogan “Feed Your Inner Hippie.” See, your plan is to profit off the “dilusional [sic], uneducated and morally bankrupt” liberals who think they’re supporting a cool, fun, small business run by nice folks. And you know what? That’s a plan. Perhaps not the most ethical, but it would totally work.

Except you blogged about it on your public blog.

Then when people called you out on your weirdo marketing lies, you posted the following:

Thursday, October 1, 2009
It has come to my attention…

A young woman came into my shop today and shared with me that some people have read my blog and now are busy doing what they can to damage me and my family by telling others that I am a horrible person. Apparently, my viewpoint and opinions have been interpreted as not endorsing their lifestyle choices or their political views. Although I don’t look to offend anyone, I find it ironic that many people who stand under the banner of “acceptance”, are in their own nature, unwilling to accept anyone who disagrees with them. Does anyone else find that ironic?

I make the best donuts I know how, and people have gone to Urbanspoon and given our product a negative rating because they are unhappy with my opinion. One person said that I should keep my opinion to myself so that nobody would know what I thought! Yet these same people who cry out for legitimacy, attack anyone who doesn’t agree with their positions and choices. That to me is the epitome of hypocrisy. I’m not ashamed of who I am, although I admit I am a work in progress. I will not couch my faith or my person-hood for any reason, especially not to sell a donut.

I have been kind and respectful to everyone that has come into my shop. Not just to sell them something, but I try to be the best version of myself that I can be. I take being generous seriously, along with all of God’s commandments. I try to love people and hate sin. Most of what I write about is the struggle to do that without a ton of human debris in my wake. Everyone wants love and peace. The problem is with SIN. I didn’t invent sin (although my wife might joke that I am trying to perfect it), nor did I define sin. I just happen to believe like most people, that there is a better life to be lived if we avoid sin. That requires a knowledge of what IS sin, and my source for that is the Bible. If that makes me the scorn of people and hated… then I say what Martin Luther said… I can not recant the truth. I would welcome the chance to defend my ideas or my faith but only two people have asked me to explain my writings. Others are taking some paragraphs and sending them to others in an attempt to amplify one of my musings. I have a saying for people who try to demonize others by focusing on one attribute or expression… “you have to walk over mile of balance and reason to have that opinion”.
Posted by Ron Razete at 6:37 AM 0 comments

And then delete the whole thing. (Formerly located at ronrazete.blogspot.com, but in the spirit of Martin Luther I will keep it un-recanted here.)

Well, you’re a cowardly liar, and you really can’t be shocked when folks catch on to you. What is your next move? My hypothesis: blame the meanie liberals for not buying your bullshit instead of your poor judgment, lack of business savvy, and bizarre need to politicize donuts.

* * *

You know what, Ron? My unwillingness to tolerate your intolerance doesn’t make me intolerant.

I accept that there are people like you in the world, and your right to be as horrible as you can within the bounds of our laws. But just like you can have issues with the sexiness-levels of movies, and feel the Christian college you pulled your daughter out of was not Christian enough because they let GLBT students enroll –I, and others, have the ability to not support your dishonest endeavors.

Why market to “hippie leftists” and not let your business reflect your true self? Especially since you insist you will not couch your faith or your person-hood for any reason.  I don’t think you should keep your opinions to yourself, or lie about them to make a buck. Let’s see if your intolerance is profitable.

Links of note

Good reads around the Internet (a.k.a. Things I’ve starred in Google Reader to write about later but only manage to put in lists):

My list is short this time because I am currently working on getting my resume out to as many places as possible, while playing around with my new Wacom tablet that I have pined for since 1998 when Jeff sent me a link to the site that took a million years to load via dial-up but has never left my heart for a single day in these eleven restless years. Do I like it? Yes. Does it make me feel clumsy and untalented? Well, yes. But when has that ever stopped me?

Obviously.



Obviously.

yes.

via www.mediaite.com

No graphic tee has ever so completely spoken to me —really gotten me— than this dress from Top Shop by Christopher Kane.

Book Bans and Challenges, 2007-2009 – Google Maps

Book Bans and Challenges, 2007-2009 – Google Maps: This map is drawn from cases documented by ALA and the Kids’ Right to Read Project, which is sponsored by the National Coalition Against Censorship and the American Booksellers Foundation for Free Expression. Details are available in ALA’s “Books Banned and Challenged 2007-2008,” http://www.ila.org/pdf/2008banned.pdf and “Books Banned and Challenged 2008-2009” (not available online); and the “Kids’ Right to Read Project Report,” http://www.ncac.org/images/ncacimages/KR2R%202009(1).pdf.

Semantics

Hush, Victoria! You'll hurt feelings only some are allowed to have.

Deadline set.

Last week I was so frustrated and upset at work (over something that shouldn’t be much more than a blip on the anger-radar) and when I looked down at my desk there was a small puddle of blood. I thought I’d bit my tongue or torn my lip open, but when I went to restroom I realized my nose was bleeding.

I’ve been at my job just over 4 years. This week is the twice annual personal assessment time, where the HR department insists that we fill out these horrendous forms that have nothing to do with our jobs. Can you imagine asking someone in one of your company’s two dead-end positions about their career plan and to detail their progress? (Um. To maybe get paid for the extra workload that was dumped on me when they let go of the receptionist? Except, there is no progress to make? Does that count?)

So I submitted the damned form for the seventh time with completely honest answers, and Friday morning I told my boss that I would be happy to finish out the year so that the vacation/sick time balances out, but that I would not be coming back after the new year.

The rest of the day was a typical busy Friday, full of last minute reports and paper jams –but I’ve never felt so chill there. Walking on sunshine, indeed.

No, I have no idea what I’m going to do in January. I’m not even worried because whatever it is, it’ll beat this crap.

That’s what’s going on here. I’m hoping that this will shake me out of my depression/malaise and I’ll start writing more. (And finish my YA novel.) Here’s hopin’, right?

I keep having awesome dreams about potential futures. So far I’m totally into the one where Don and I buy a ranch and raise kittens. And the one where I volunteer to colonize the Moon and become the first spacebarista.

What? Can’t a kid dream?