This morning on NPR there was a story about Human Light celebrations that apparently also occur on this most spectacular of days. I understand wanting to ride on my coattails and all, and I have a soft spot in my heart for Humanists — however I gotta say this:

Back off, bitches.

December 23rd is mine.

I mean, if the women who are currently in the careers you wish to pursue would slight you for having an eye for good design, and denigrate your seriousness for your appreciation of aesthetically pleasing objects — would you still want to be in their clogs?

Of the hubub, Dr. Isis writes:

A woman who is aggressive, or who proclaims to anyone who will listen that she has the potential to achieve great things, is not a bitch. A woman who chooses to wear high-heeled shoes is not a slut, a bimbo, or a tramp. We need not be ashamed of the things that make us women (though, granted, we all embrace and express our femininity differently and that should always be acceptable). Neither our bodies, the social/gender roles we may choose to embrace, or our decision to or not to parent children, should ever have the capacity to limit our academic success.

Zuska also responds in The Proper Way to be a Woman in Science:

“If you disagree with what Dr. Isis says about science, or you don’t care for her interest in footwear, or you simply dislike her writing style, fine. But if Dr. Isis bothers you because she “makes female scientists sound like shoe fettish ignorant bimbos” then perhaps it’s worth spending some time thinking more about why that bothers you so. Who gains, really, if Dr. Isis is required to restrain and constrain her self-expression – and what are they gaining?”

My own take, as a non-scientist, but also as a woman who is interested in science, literature, design, etc., is simply this:

I don’t expect mathematicians to only discuss numbers, just like I don’t expect chefs to only be interested in food, in much the same way I would be dreadfully incapable of maintaining a worthwhile friendship with an artist who would only talk about her medium and focus area. I expect the people I surround myself with to be well-rounded. Why would my friends in science fields be any different?

Isn’t it refreshing to know that there are fashionistas out there who not only love science but have careers in it? Fashionista scientists! Tell your nieces and little sisters! Having other interests, even in fashion does not make them ill-suited for engineering, math, and science. These are fields that are certainly big enough to be inclusive. Let’s not push anyone away from such important careers because they speak to a different (and new, and much needed) audience!

The humid, subtropical climate is ideally suited to citrus farming, Florida’s largest industry, owned and operated solely by Alligators, the original inhabitants of the peninsula. Using the same techniques as their fore-gators, American Alligators use their massive bulk to shake the oranges out of trees, which are then punctured as they land on their scaly backs and roll down their tails, conveniently adapted to provide juice pathways into a series of cartons on conveyor belts that lead to trucks bringing this liquid sunshine to grocery stores in states where people actually live.

Florida is the only state without an education system, as the elderly, of course, become experts on everything upon reaching 65, and the only children permitted in the state are visiting their grandparents and are required to stay within the confines of the Designated Kid Compound. This is a few acres of fantasy themed amusements in bright colors aimed at keeping visiting youngsters from becoming too depressed by the unfortunate glimpse into their inevitable, bleak future. Children wandering outside the DK come under the jurisdiction of the Alligator-controlled Florida Citrus Council and spend the rest of their lives folding orange juice cartons, says an FCC spokesgator.

As most of Florida has not yet been explored or settled, there is no political system, history or even news to speak of.  A proper map has not been finalized due to the high turnaround rate in the field of cartography. Explorers and researchers interested in charting this terratory should contact the Florida Citrus Council for information on their generous Explore Florida for Free grant.

See also: Crotchety Oldster Relocation Program, Urban school board myths, List of fictional cities located in Florida, manatees