I spent a day or so (it’s a blur) laying flat and still and mostly crying on the couch. You should see my back1. Either a stuffed monkey made from socks too large for the largest lumberjack came to life, went goth, and gave me a smooch right above my ass, or the hardwood stairs I fell on the other night are really and truly hard, possibly even the hardest substance on Earth. Ouch x infinity + 2.
In my painful leisure I’ve been sleeping and not sleeping, in a weird schedule that on the upside is decent for keeping up with the fun stuff. That’s right, the World Cup, friends! My favorite part of it is when all the people who love to talk about how not into sports they are join forces with all of the people who are always more than happy to expound on how psyched American football or hockey or whatever makes them, to make sure everyone knows how stupid they think everyone who is “suddenly” excited about soccer2 is for being stoked about a sport they like actually being on regular tv for a change. Because the United States is entirely made up of only NFL meathead jock douchebag fans and too-cool hipsters, and totally not a place where people from nations all over the world have immigrated –a world that is hugely taken with … soccer?
Soccer is a touchy subject for me because when I was little soccer was the one organized game that I could play where my best friend Melvin and I could be on the same team. Soccer was awesome and most of the people who told me otherwise insisted they were right because it was the sport that girls played too. I very strongly believe that is at the root of soccer not being regarded as a real sport here. And still, today, despite it being a worldwide phenomenon, you have people trying to erase a large percentage of the country’s interest in something because it is deemed “lesser than” — a stupid thing that even little girls (and foreigners) can do. How could it possibly be popular if it’s not a real sport? And anyone who is talking about it must be faking it because if people –meaning this very limited notion of the default American– really enjoyed it, it wouldn’t require some fancy sports package to keep up with more than once a year. This American essentialism and sexism rolled together and casually thrown around, even by some of the raddest women I know, is such a bummer.
Anyway how cute would a sock monkey in a wee soccer uniform be? Oh look, I found one3. God, my fucking back hurts.
Notes:- except, no you shouldn’t [↩]
- I’m calling it soccer for sake of clarity, and when I say “American” of course I mean USian. [↩]
- adorable soccer monkey ganked from flickr user sockmonkeyfun. [↩]
