Cheese Wonderland
We went to the 24 hour grocery store Saturday night and it was CLOSED — like completely empty and Oh noes! But there was a sign directing us to the new location. We’d forgotten they’d been working on a big fancy Market District store, so I guess my preferred G’iggle was no longer needed. I was skeptical! What had they done? Was this going to be a nightmare? Change! Differentness! Good things usually, but not when it comes to chores that are already tedious and typically annoying, and I was not in the mood for a scavenger hunt. AND And and … lots of breathless statements of indignation!
It was surprisingly crowded for it being near-midnight on a Saturday, and as D commented, everyone looked so irritated that other people were there. Like we’d all invented Late Night Weekend Grocery Shopping and owned that shit and how dare these assholes ruin our shopping experience with their breathing and their pushing of carts! Indeed.
The store is so ridiculously huge that this grumpitude is total BS, and we all ought to be ashamed of ourselves. We were in a magical wonderland of CHEESE AND BEER. The carts have cup holders. It is fucking magical. I can’t even tell you!
So right, I started to get bummed because in true My Relationship With Pittsburgh style, just as I’m leaving, cool new things start popping up and going on. Like I make a few new friends or find a fun new local band or suddenly there is a place where one can easily procure the integral parts of one’s favorite noodle dish and –it’s a month before I’m outta the joint. And THEN I remembered that I’m going back HOME where delicious things have always been available and you can even get a god damned salad without having to specify that you do NOT want french fries in it.1 What am I bummed about? I’ve been paddling upstream on Styx with Cerebus snapping from the shore for what seems like forever and finally there is a light ahead. It’s a neon sign that reads “Reading Terminal Market.” Are you kidding me? Snap out of it, lady.
For my friends who are at peace with pretend salads and doughy white bread cut extra thick for maximum tastelessness and are here for the long haul2, here is the most important, relevant link: The Market District Beer List. Also their handy Cheese Pairing list.
Does that not make you hungry for fancy crap and feel sort of posh and something like a grown-up, or what?
Notes:- I will never ever understand the Pittsburgh french fry salad thing. It’s supposed to be a salad. You are missing the whole concept of salad when you dump a fryer basket of greasy fries over it. Don’t act like I’m the one who doesn’t know what a salad is. I’ve got the rest of the world with me on this one, and you are a wee tiny baby of a city; a fussy toddler who won’t eat his vegetables unless swamped in ranch dressing. [↩]
- I think you should move too. There, I said it. I just feel very strongly that you’re being deprived of essentials like general deliciousness. [↩]
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