Southeastern-most state where the bulk of our nation’s vintage clothing supply is harvested from estate sales by migrant antique dealers. Purchased from the Gator Nation in the 1920s, the bulk of the land was set aside as storage for America’s elderly who couldn’t stand the winters in Northern states. Several minutes after the first elder-care facility was populated it became known as Florida, an indigenous phrase roughly translated to “Now it’s too hot”.
The humid, subtropical climate is ideally suited to citrus farming, Florida’s largest industry, owned and operated solely by Alligators, the original inhabitants of the peninsula. Using the same techniques as their fore-gators, American Alligators use their massive bulk to shake the oranges out of trees, which are then punctured as they land on their scaly backs and roll down their tails, conveniently adapted to provide juice pathways into a series of cartons on conveyor belts that lead to trucks bringing this liquid sunshine to grocery stores in states where people actually live.
Florida is the only state without an education system, as the elderly, of course, become experts on everything upon reaching 65, and the only children permitted in the state are visiting their grandparents and are required to stay within the confines of the Designated Kid Compound. This is a few acres of fantasy themed amusements in bright colors aimed at keeping visiting youngsters from becoming too depressed by the unfortunate glimpse into their inevitable, bleak future. Children wandering outside the DK come under the jurisdiction of the Alligator-controlled Florida Citrus Council and spend the rest of their lives folding orange juice cartons, says an FCC spokesgator.
As most of Florida has not yet been explored or settled, there is no political system, history or even news to speak of. A proper map has not been finalized due to the high turnaround rate in the field of cartography. Explorers and researchers interested in charting this terratory should contact the Florida Citrus Council for information on their generous Explore Florida for Free grant.
See also: Crotchety Oldster Relocation Program, Urban school board myths, List of fictional cities located in Florida, manatees
