I rule over the forty and the nine kinds of serpents.

Posted on Mar 16, 2015

[writing prompt: Live Science | Ancient Egyptian Handbook of Spells Deciphered. Originally written 11/24/2014.]

“Nice to meet you, Baktiotha. So what do you do?”

“I rule over the forty and the nine kinds of serpents.”

“So, just like, some of the snakes?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Not even any of the other reptiles?”

“Um. No. Say where did you get that mini quiche? Are they bringing those around? … Bartender, I will require ten and one glasses of the Obelisk cab. Just keep them coming.”

Always timely article pitches

Posted on Mar 16, 2015

Article pitches I am happy to provide for your lifestyle and culture compendium which will never be off topic:

  • I Can’t Even So You Shouldn’t Have: Why do people continue to care about things I don’t care about?
  • Let’s talk about how everyone should shut up about things I don’t want to hear about.
  • Trends are for Other People: the inherent dullness of interests outside my own.
  • You had fifteen minutes to acceptably mention that former trend and now you are dead to us too.

(The difference is purely tone.)